"Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money"

I've been corresponding with a middle aged male friend recently, and we got to talking about mid life crisis, and how men in particular handle it. Since the majority of my private practice is is men from 30-50, I've gained some insight from these smart, insightful, honest and candid men.

I had joked that most of what I see less introspective and self aware men doing when they reach that mid life stage can be easily summed up in this key phrase, "re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic".

My friend replied, "I think the key phrase is 'faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money" If you can afford these indulgences, I do not think you are attending a life purpose workshop."

Here is my [edited and augmented for this blog] reply:

"Au contraire, many's the man who has come to me precisely -because- "faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money" turned out to be not as fulfilling a reality as they had hoped it would be.

"Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money" is what I call "re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic". This is a gender peculiar thing. A significant percentage of men, when they hit their mid life crisis, look around and say, "Crap, this isn't what I want. I'm not happy." So (here's the cliche in action) some of them set about to changing things: they trade in the wife and kids for a trophy chick, get a sports car and hair plugs, and otherwise engage in ultimately futile behaviors that do not ultimately address their lack of fulfillment.

They vigorously pursue transient pleasures, trying to soothe their ever increasing sense of dissatisfaction. Those are the guys who fail to examine themselves first. Because of this critically missed first step, they lose the chance to do some significant introspection before they engage in major life upheaval. They mistakenly think that by concentrating on changing their circumstances they will achieve the sought for inner satisfaction that they are now all too aware of lacking.

They throw the baby out with the bathwater.

If they knew to look inside themselves first, they'd be more likely come to the realization that they are the source of everything in their lives. They'd realize that in order to empower themselves they must evolve, examine and re-evaluate their core perceptions as well as their present practices, goals and behaviors. Always, it's an inside job, first. Many men leave great lives they've built based on some significant and worthy core values before they realize that they can empower themselves right within the life they already have. They lack critical discernment.

Likewise, some men stay in situations far too long that are clearly toxic because they feel trapped by their circumstances, lack of meaningful direction and sense of feeling purposeless; and that comes from not going within, as well. It's always an inside job. First and foremost, an inside job. Always always always.

Here's what's worse: as a society we neither support nor encourage men to take time for personal growth, vision questing, goal reassessment, life path correction, any of that. We fail to support our men in living rich lives, mistaking the attainment of financial gain or social reputation for true wealth. We sell them, and outselves, short by not empowering them to live purposefully. We pigeon hole them, limit them, dishonor them, assigning to them artificial values and inappropriate expectations that hamstring their abilities to truly excell.

A man without a sense of purpose is a sad thing indeed.

Sometimes, changing circumstances is absolutely necessary to one's growth, health and general well being. Some other times, the only thing necessary for empowerment is to change one's perspective. Actually, the latter is true most of the time. But only by becoming clear about Self (Life Purpose, spiritual center, etc.) and taking the time and effort to clearly identify the underlying core values that need to be honored in order to be truly happy, will anyone be able to make the best decisions about what to change and what to cultivate."

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How does all this relate to Life Purpose? Well, when a person is clear about their purpose, decision making becomes easier and inbued with a sense of "right direction". The results from actions taken in accordance with their authentic core are much more likely to be directly forwarding as well as immediately and ultimately rewarding. Making the best choices regarding what to do, what to study, which relationships serve and which alliances hinder, inner clarity, all spring naturally from a place of conscious context(Life Purpose).

Speaking from my years of experience as a life coach and counselor, people who are clear about their Life Purpose make FAR fewer stupid mistakes, and the mistakes they do make are less encompassing in scale than the ones they made before they did this important work for themselves.

What I've noticed personally is that the men who are aware of and act in accordance with their Life Purpose avoid the worst of the mid life crisis. This piece of self awareness saves time and money, increases love, boosts energy, lessens suffering and provides an internal wellspring of positive motivation.

This work rocks. It changes lives.

Well, I'm off to make a vision board to give my graphic designer that will inspire the look of the upcoming (soon to be released) Life Purpose Discovery journal/workbook. This workbook will enable just about anyone to take themselves through the Life Purpose Discovery process on their own. Our goal is to have this resource available for purchase online before my birthday in August.